Two Year-Old Check-up

Tabitha weighed 16 pounds and was 27 inches long when we first met her in China. Today she had her 2 year old check-up and after just 7 months of Gerber food, she now weighs 19 pounds and is 30 and ¾ inches long. Woohoo! She’s still not on the American growth chart but she’s growing! She got a shot, another TB test, and a lab sheet for more blood work. Some things have to be checked twice just in case she was exposed right before we brought her home. She watched those needles carefully. No one will be able to sneak up on her again with one of those. She got a snazzy pink camouflage Band-Aid and a spider-man sticker and she was really proud of both. She wouldn’t let me remove the Band-Aid even though it was starting to come off during her bath. She earned that Band-Aid, and, by golly, she’s not going to let anyone take it from her.

How's It Going?

A lot of people ask me that, referring to Tabitha, usually as we’re departing church or I’m drying my hands in the Ladies room at work. I know they want the short answer, the one you want when you ask, “Hi, how are you doing?” When people ask that question, they’re politely acknowledging your existence and usually don’t want the gory details of your gall bladder surgery. So, depending on how much sleep I’ve had, I answer, “We’re doing great!” or “Pretty good for not having slept in 6 months.” To tell you the truth, the real answer to, “How’s it going?” is complicated and not something I could answer in brief. For most people to fully understand my answer, they would need to have an understanding of the issues involved in adopting a child through international adoption.

First of all, bringing a toddler home from China is much different than bringing a new born home from the hospital or even adopting one domestically. It’s different for the parents and different for the child. Maybe someone should ask Tabitha, “How’s it going?” I imagine that if she was verbally fluent (she’s still at one to two word sentences) and could analyze her feelings enough to put them into words, she might tell you that she’s starting to get used to her parents. She didn’t know for sure why they took her from the orphanage, after all, she had never left it before. Her life in the orphanage had been one of routine and she knew what to expect every minute of each day. She was taken by these two strange looking people and subjected to new experiences with no two days being the same. She might tell you how terrified she was that she might be left somewhere so she clung to the “mommy.” Somehow through the terror, she started to notice that these new people were very focused on her, they held her and stroked her and cooed their strange words to her. Today, she’s pretty sure Mommy and Daddy aren’t going to go away but she holds tight to them, just in case. A feeling of panic creeps on her when she’s in new situations, especially when Mommy and Daddy are not focused on her. She has to do things to get their attention. She’s noticed that she’s not always in the center of their attention and that’s a little scary, she doesn’t want her life to be like it was in the orphanage, when attention was given in small doses. So she pushes Mommy’s hands away from her computer and climbs up in her lap with a book for Mommy to read to her. She makes Mommy hold her while Mommy cleans house. She has to make sure these people don’t forget about her. And then there’s Hoper’s and Noodle. At first when they came to play, she thought they were going to stay. Mommy loved on them and that made her feel panicky, too. She didn’t want to share. At the orphanage, you had to be special to get loved on and maybe Mommy would think Hoper’s and Noodle were more special than her. So she hit Hopers and pushed her. Now she’s not so worried about them taking her Mommy away from her but she still gets a little nervous around all kids. Night time is the worst time. She doesn’t like being alone. When she goes to sleep she doesn’t know what might be happening, so she doesn’t want to sleep. She feels safest in the big bed between Mommy and Daddy but sometimes she still has bad dreams. She really likes her toys. She didn’t have toys that were just hers before and doesn’t like it when other kids touch her toys. “I’m not in the orphanage anymore“, she wants to tell them, “I don’t have to share toys.” At school, she “shares,” which means she forcefully takes the toys she wants. She has to hit the kids there sometimes because if you hit them first, they won’t bother you. When you are smaller than everyone, you have to fight for everything. She doesn’t cry at school, even if it hurts when she falls down. School feels like an orphanage because Mommy and Daddy aren’t there. At the orphanage you didn’t always get comforted when you fell down. Crying doesn’t do much good in the orphanage, the grown-ups can’t always help you because they have to help all the kids. Mommy and Daddy will help, though, so she cries really loud and long when they’re near. The experiences she had at the orphanage, both good and bad, are starting to fade, but the lessons she learned from living there are still with her. She’s learning that things are different when you have a family, but changing your expectations of the world and the way you react to it is hard.

From my perspective, I have this amazing and beautiful little girl who soaks up life like a sponge. She watches and learns from everything around her. I love her so much that my heart nearly bursts when I think about her. She commands my attention every moment that she is awake and even some moments when she is asleep. She is both fearful and clingy and yet fiercely independent during the same point in time. She has nightmares and night terrors that keep us up sometimes for nights on end. She has been sick so often that I fear that I won’t have enough sick leave to make it through the winter months. At home, when we’re just hanging out, she’s loving and playful but when we take her places, she’s anxious, and more often than not will act out. She will cling to me and push me away, making me exhausted and wish that we had stayed home. At home, I realize I need adult companionship so I call my grown kids on the phone and annoy them. Bit by bit, she’s learning to play on her own and doesn’t always need me sitting beside her. She’s still intensely jealous of all activities that don’t involve her, so all my activities are done in small spurts or with her on my hip. Sometimes it’s very wearing and my patience runs thin. Now that she’s two, she has learned that inevitable word, “no” and is perfecting the art of balking. She’s also cutting all her teeth at once and is extremely cranky at times. Just when I think I can’t listen to another minute of whining, she puts her tiny arms around my neck and rests her head on my shoulder. "Mama," she whispers softly. I remember why I love her, my little piece of pure heaven.

So how are you?

Celebrate Life

Celebrate! Tabitha’s 2nd birthday, our 6 month anniversary of her adoption, the State of Florida’s recognition of our adoption--we had so much to celebrate this past month! Most of all, we celebrate that we have added to our already wonderful family, this precious baby girl. God is really good to us!

We had a big party bash for Tabitha. It was her 2nd birthday, but her first birthday party. She has been to several others’ birthday parties and she knew just what to do, except for the candle part. We had lots of friends and family over. Doc T and family and Grandpa came for the weekend. As you can see from the pictures, Tabitha got lots of presents. This house was rocking and rolling with chaos. It was so much fun! Thanks to everyone for helping us celebrate.