More Waiting and My Birthday

Okay, so all I'm doing is waiting. I'm going through the motions of life and part of me is really participating but the rest of me is just sitting there waiting for our new daughter. I know we're near term but no one else can tell. There's no maternity clothing, no expanding waistline. Well…maybe there is an expanding waistline but it's not due to the new life that will soon join our family, it's due to all the comfort food I've been eating. I'm going to be a new mama soon and I'm really preoccupied with that knowledge. What will she look like? How old will she be? Will she love me as much as I already love her? Will she forgive me for being old? Will my other children love her? Am I ready?

I've been telling people, just a couple of more months until we get our baby for about six months now. After a quizzical look from a male coworker, I explained that it's like football minutes. You know, when there's 3 minutes left on the clock and it takes an hour and twenty minutes to actually finish the game. Someone tell China that they've used all their time-outs. There's no flag on the play, get on with the game! I've decided I should start digging and maybe by the time we get our referral, I'll have made it to China. I'll just need a really long bath. Think of all the money we'll save on airfare.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I am now two years older than I was when I started this process. I love my birthday, though, because I love living and I'll take every day the Lord gives me. This year is a milestone year for me. My mother was first diagnosed with her cancer when she was the age I am now and even though I know it's irrational, I feared my mamogram this year more than any other year. When they called me to come in for an additional ultrasound, I had a sinking feeling and all I could think was that there would be no trip to China now. Today they sent me a letter casually informing me that my "recent mamogram/ultrasound showed no signs of cancer." An early birthday present. So I can shout, "WOOHOO, IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!!!"

Introducing: The WAIT

The WAIT is a big part of our lives right now. We plan to do things when we're done waiting. Our lives will be significantly different when the WAIT is over. The WAIT started one year ago on August 26, 2005 when our adoption paperwork was officially logged-in by the China Center for Adoption Affairs. We don't know when waiting will end and all we hope is that we will have a baby girl when it does. Then we can get on with our lives and can wait for other things like baby teeth, tantrums, little girl giggles, and high school graduation.

Everyone says to be patient and I am, somewhat, but I'm really starting to despise that word. I can't buy things for the baby because I don't know how old she'll be or how big/small. Will she be here for Christmas? Will we be in China for Christmas? I can't pack for our trip to China because I don't know what season to plan for. Me, who has never been out of the country unless you count Mexico border towns, can't plan this momentous trip. And I plan trips across town!

So...what do you do while you WAIT? Right now my WAIT activities include climbing in out my bedroom window and over furniture while my husband refinishes floors; refinishing various pieces of furniture (that's a fun one); checking the Rumor Queen website for rumors roughly 560 times a day; checking the adoption agency website for concrete information at least 3 times per day even though they only update once a week; avoiding looking in the empty nursery; trying not to think about adoption at work but finding myself staring into space often; enjoying the grandkids, the famous Noodle and Hopers, and my sweet little Blond Boy; and thinking about them playing with their baby aunt, my fourth child, and imagining them all squealing as they run through my house. And if you tell me to be patient with the WAIT, I will smile at you and say through my teeth, "I am patient."

Peer Pressure and the Bedroom Window

But Mama, everybody's doing it. All my friends have one. I'm the only person I know that doesn't have one. I promise I'll feed and water it. I'll finish what I start. I'll STICK WITH IT. I won't leave it on the shelf to gather dust.

Okay, so now I have one, a blog, that is, so I promise that six months from now I won't find it all dusty under the couch and say, "Oh yeah, I forgot about that." After all I have lots of stuff to write about. I'm not just any old boring grandma of 3 (soon 4), approaching her 5th decade of life in the process of adopting from China. How many grandmas do you know that climb in and out of their bedroom windows? Of course I wasn't happy about that, but when you come home late Sunday night after a weekend trip and find out that your husband has refinished the wood flooring in front of your bedroom and the only way in is through the bedroom window, there are not many choices. After saying, "I have to do WHAT?", I could have a) found a new home and a saner husband, b) gone to the 24 hour WalMart and tried to replicate what I needed to survive the work week, or c) climbed through the bedroom window. I thought "C" was the best choice until the next morning when the husband informs me that I need to hurry up and get ready because he has to take the ladder to work. All I can say is that climbing out of bedroom windows is a lot more fun when you're sixteen and wearing blue jeans. Not that I did that, of course.